When you get a FB ping out of the blue with a friend request from some you were in secondary school with that makes you ummm and ahhh if you accept it or not...
Many of us have a variety of memories from our school days - positive and negative creating many of our strategies and beliefs we hold about ourselves to this day.
School for me wasn't brilliant at times and my memories of these negative times were a big contributing factor to the limiting beliefs that I have held as an adult. Going through my own personal develop and growth over the past year has enabled me to take huge steps in dropping these beliefs.
Today I had a friend request on Facebook that really did get me thinking if I should accept it or not...I held this belief that I wasn't like and that I didn't really have any friends in school. This anxiety of not being liked ended up with me hiding within the PE department rather than developing friendships. This understanding now that it was hiding rather than developing my skills to become a PE teacher has come recently through reflection.
Now this friend request was from someone I remembered as someone I didn't engage with or a friend with...this made me think do I want to really accept this request. The brain then started to rack even more potential memories of this person generally not being nice...this really did start me to ummm and ahhh. Past friend requests I have ignored and decided not to allow, or if I did accept the request they didn't ever really engage. I decided what the heck, let's accept and I assumed I wouldn't get any more contact.
How wrong was I...shortly after the acceptance I got a messenger.
I was totally honest with them and said I ummmed and ahhhed about the acceptance as we were never really friends in school.
Straightaway they apologised for anything they may have done to me and said he always thought I was a great guy in school.
This instantly threw me and my thoughts.
My perceptions of this person was instantly changed, and the realisation that my perceptions of myself from others perspective has been completely wrong.
Our mind, especially our unconscious mind has a prime directive to protect us. This protection can be seen in fears of heights, bees and in self-talk...these protection strategies can be developed and engrained by a misunderstanding/miscommunication that the unconscious mind receives.
As a result of this misunderstanding the brain develops a programme, self-talk and limiting belief that is run over and over. As the unconscious mind has a number of prime directives these thoughts can soon become beliefs as the unconscious mind filters for what we think. Therefore if you think you can, it will filter the world to give you evidence to validate this, and the same if you think you can't.
My belief that individuals didn't like me was validated through my unconscious mind seeking for evidence to prove that thought was right. In doing so the limiting belief was made and continued throughout my life until breaking that belief through Timeline Therapy.
So after the initial contact we chatted for sometime on messenger and we both shared our journeys. This highlights massively how as children and adults we do not have all the skills we need to understand how our unconscious mind works and how we can use it to our advantage.
Hearing what they went through themselves allows for a deeper understanding of their own model of the world. Image if we could float back in time and look at the events with the eyes, knowledge and information we have now from we would definitely change our beliefs about specific events. This can allow the negative attached emotions to be released without removing the event from our life.
We discussed various personal development, events and decisions we have both taken to turn our lives around has been really insightful...that book that I judged in the past as being a terrible book, now has a new light based upon personal development and enlightenment.
So when that next FB Friend request comes in I will be not so hasty to judge.