This blog post is going to be unedited, unplanned and it will go where it likes. Once it is finished it will be posted and there will be no edits - therefore I guarantee there will be grammar errors and more than likely spell mistakes. I plan to just write (even though I said its unplanned) and see where it goes. This will be a mindless load of drivel I am sure of it but the process is to all the information within my head right now to be dumped.
This morning I went to a business networking event and I wasn’t overly impressed with it because I have sort of got used to events that are manufactured to make you engage with people. This can be so much easier for those that have social anxieties and difficulties within new situations.
I sometime do really struggle in new settings with new people. People who know me would say that isn’t the case and I would talk to anyone, be confident, loud and make myself known. Well that is true in some situations but not all. The event this morning even though it wasn’t anything special in the way of engagement with others there was some good elements. But I did feel and hear the internal voices saying - no one is interested in what you’ve got to say, you are being judged, you shouldn’t be here and so on…to extent my brain was sort of right…
No was there interested in what I had to say they were interested in what they had to say and what they could offer - they were judging me, just as much as I was judging them. This is what we all do. For someone who understands rappour and supporting others to build their confidence to build rappour I can be really shit at it at times.
I spoke to people I wanted to, I got information and contacts - but I bet there were others in that room who may also have been useful contact and I would have been a useful contact for them.
Isn’t social anxiety a bitch at times?
Now working on setting up workshops for business to help build up rappour and engage with staff that they suspect maybe dealing with a mental ill-health issue seems a little fraudulent. But as I type this I am not - why because I understand what it is really like to be the one there not engaging because the head is saying something or the confidence is low at that point to talk.
I, like so many others have massive insights into the world we each live in and how our brains can mess us about. If we could share these insights like The Bald Brewer, Scott Hughes and others who have shared their stories will make it easier.
I recently asked a few people for some testimonials and as they are good people they did - even still those people who have written about me have done so in a positive way. But because of who we are we don’t really believe what they have written even though deep down I know it is true.
I recently posted a question on Facebook asking those that like me, what do you like about me? This was a tough thing to do…waiting for the nothing reply…but no they were positive and yes they were being honest and I didn’t pay them. I asked my wife the same thing…response was a little slower as she wanted to think about as it was a surprise question for her. Thankfully positive too.
Others have recently stated on Facebook posts that I am a really nice guy - then those in my family said things like ‘yeah right’. But family members only know one part of you really and that is what we show in our home life, friends see another, colleagues see another, and contacts see another. These masks we were can be really tiresome and the energy they take can be a lot.
As I sit at my desk typing this out it really does help to brain dump and just let the words flow out over the keyboard. Like I said when I started this blog piece I had no idea where it would go or end. What I know now as I finish writing this out is that the ones that read this will not judge me and if they do that is their judgement and not something I need to worry about. I know what I am doing is doing good and taking sometime to get to where I want it to be. The path is long, its not always straight but it is going forward. Thank you to all those that read my posts, blogs and now videos and podcasts I hope you get something out of them, I know I do doing them.
Hope you are all doing well and if not you can always contact me on here.