Updated: Aug 5, 2018
What am I doing here? What is my purpose? Who am I?
Due to years of stereotyping men are finding it more and more difficult to find that something they think they should be or who they should be.
Who's fault is this? Is it society itself because of years of gender role stereotyping, meaning we we are expected to act, speak, dress, groom and conduct ourselves based upon our sex. Men are expected to be the protectors, providers, strong, bold and courageous.
These biases towards how a person is expected to behave is leaving men in serious states of poor mental and emotional well-being. These expectations are preventing men from being able to express themselves and showing who or what they want to be.
Coming from the health and social care sector where it is predominately a female industry men can often be judged by their choice of career or stereotyped into certain roles or opinions by others.
Following centuries of expectations men are now finding it difficult to find themselves - 'the modern man' is not automatically the higher earner, he is not automatically physically strong, bold or aggressive. Male roles, identities and characteristics are changing - but society is still saying that they need to be x, y and z.
Men are now becoming unemployed after 10, 15, 20 years of work in one company and now struggling to find a new job, position or role. Taking jobs with less income, changing sectors, maybe less manual or more even more manual. Maybe they become the stay at home dad, maybe a full-time carer or maybe they can not get a job at all.
All of these pressures, expectations and society norms are really leaving men lost.
What do I do now? How can I fix this? Where did it go wrong? What shall I do now?
Once these kind of thoughts start to creep in the 'negative monster' on our shoulder is being fed. The more we feed something the stronger it will get - the darker thoughts will get darker, more frequent and more aggressive they will become.
There is an old Native American proverb about two wolves which sums up this very well.
The one you feed.
So whilst we are lost we often don't help ourselves to become found again or develop into the new person, or turn the page onto the new chapter in our lives - all because we keep feeding the wrong thing.
So how do we find ourselves? Who is the new me?
There are lots of ways you can do this - first of all stop being a dull bulb because you think people want you to be. If you want to be a super bright bulb and shine brightly then do that. If anyone asks you to turn down you brightness - tell them no and hand them a pair of sunglasses. You deserve it to yourself to be the bright shining person you are and want to be. People around you will want to dim you all the time - if that's the case they are not the people to be around.
You are a result of the people you hang around - if you hang around with lost people you too will become lost. If you hang around people who are happy within their skin and happy with who they are you will be happy. If you hang around people who want to change and develop themselves you too will want to change and develop.
This is a choice and one you can control - however your brain is trying to "protect you". Because it is safe here in it's little comfortable rut telling you all these negative things. But these are self limiting beliefs - designed to keep you where you are, not to venture out into something new or the unknown. This is a throw back to when we were true hunters and we did really need to protect ourselves from our prey.
So now when our bodies experience something that is a little uncomfortable the brain tries to protect us with the fight or flight chemicals. Now our brain is a little dull at times, meaning we can trick it - the next time a negative thought or a self limiting belief comes in, focus upon one of your senses.
How does something feel? How does something smell, How does it look? What does it taste like? What does it sound like?
Our brain can't do the two things at once on the conscious level - it can't give negative thoughts and focus upon a sense. So focus on something like - how do your finger tips feel when you rub the together? Can you feel the ridges? Then you will drift off again to the thoughts very quickly - then go straight back to focusing. Every time you drift, refocus.
Maybe singing a upbeat, happy song - again remembering the words and singing will block the negative thoughts. To start you may have to sing lots of the song or over and over - but over time you may only need the first line.
You brain is like a computer - it likes programmes and it will throw out programmes at a drop of a hat as it thinks that is what you want. It bases these programmes on past experiences.
These programmes can be triggered off by anything and we may not notice the trigger to start with - but the brain recognises the trigger and sets of the negative programme. You can stop the programme by interrupting and reprogramming the brain.
If you think you can't reprogram your brain just look at a person who has had a stroke and can't speak at first. The brain reprogram's itself and the person regains speech with practice and training. You can do the same.
So, who am I?
I am someone who is reprogramming their brain and I can help you to reprogram yours - you don't need to do this alone. Finding yourself in the fog of negativity can be difficult without a guide - it can be done, it took me 30 years. Now with help it is easier to find the way.
If you want help finding a way do contact me email@example.com